I've started to blog numerous times the past few days and when the "new post" page opens up I sit and stare at it wondering exactly what I want to type. With no good plan I end up closing the page and logging on to Facebook to waste some time and the blogging goes by the wayside. So I refused to give up today. I'd love to type a happy, upbeat post full of jokes and laughter...we'll see how it goes. In true English teacher style when a well planned blog fails to form I just start typing. I believe the technical term for my writing might be stream of consciousness. I am a little too rigid though and can't really do that properly. You are supposed to just write (type) without any thought to spelling, grammar, etc. Yeah, that's not going to happen from me. My mental red pen refuses to quit. So welcome to the random thoughts and tangents my mind is going to lead you on today.
Music~Our house pretty much always has music playing if someone is home. (A house can't really play music, but you know what I mean.) I hadn't really thought about it until our neighbors commented on it. Crissy said to me one day "you always have music going don't you?" Yes we do. Pretty much. We love music in this house and the many moods it creates and soothes, the memories it evokes, and the memories it helps create. Then a week or so later one of Crissy's children came to visit and talk. She asked me "where is the music today?" Well, I had been napping shortly before her visit so I hadn't turned it on yet. The music I have been listening to the last few days has been Chris LeDoux. After blogging with his song titles it had me thinking about his music and the need to listen to it. So listen I did. I was thinking about a dear friend who would have been celebrating his 35th birthday yesterday. He loved Chris LeDoux's music and it made me love it just as much. So in his honor I turned it up and sang and danced around the house. Until Dave came home and I had to act civilized again, lol. Today the LeDoux mood has passed for awhile and I am listening to a mixed cd Dave made called "Me and Love October 2005." Good stuff. I forget what movie it is that the daughter always knows her Mom is having a rough day when she listened to a Carley Simon record, but Dave can always tell what kind of mood I'm in depending on what I'm listening to when he comes home.
What I've Learned as a Result of Death~Morbid? Maybe. So I've learned several things as a result of the loss of people close to me. One loss in particular taught me a lot. Each loss is different for each and every person. I'd love to say you "heal" and the pain goes away. No it doesn't it just changes and evolves just like you do. I've learned never to take those you love for granted because you just never know what tomorrow will bring for anyone. I've learned that even once you've said good-bye it still hurts. I've learned that random things happen in life to make you think of them on a regular basis. I've learned that even if I decide to be cremated when I die (well, I'd have to decide before I die because once I'm dead I won't be deciding anything) that I want to be buried in the ground. I don't want someone to have my ashes in their house or have them scattered anywhere. I want to be in the ground somewhere. (Where? I have no freakin clue...) I learned this after going through the grieving process. My dear friend Scott was buried in a mausoleum (my mom and I have nicknamed it a high rise). I would go to visit and I felt like all the "neighbors" were listening in on my conversations with him. (Yes, I'm aware this makes me sound a teensy bit crazy.) I suppose if he had been buried in the ground the neighbors still could have listened but they would have been a little farther apart. Anyhow, the point is that I want whoever comes to visit my grave to have some room to sit and talk without worrying about the neighbors.
That is as far as I am going to get with the blog today. Maybe I'll have more next time.
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