Saturday, October 27, 2007


I have spent a lot of time in my life waiting. Waiting to graduate high school, waiting to finish college, waiting to find a teaching job, waiting to move in with my husband, waiting to move to North Carolina, waiting for him to deploy, waiting for him to return, and waiting to live the rest of "our lives" together. As a military wife there are so many things that you "hurry up and wait" to happen. We are halfway through this deployment, but at times it feels like it is so far from being over. I'm ready for him to be home with me where he belongs. I'm ready to spend days cuddled together on the couch watching the silly stupid movies he makes me watch. I'm ready to come home from a day at work and him offer to cook dinner. I'm ready for a hug. I'd give anything for one of his hugs right now. I know that with the holidays approaching time will go by much quicker because we'll have days off from school so time passes even more quickly, but I wish it would just fly by. Only two months and I will be in Ohio for Christmas. I'm really looking forward to that. I'm ready for Mom and sister time. I don't think I truly realized just how much I do miss them until I went home for two weeks right after Dave left. I had tons of girl time and it was wonderful after spending so much time with the boys. I'm really ready for boy time again too. I'm ready for my house to be filled with Marines and their silly, goofy antics. They make me laugh so much. I get to see them in the videos Dave sent, but it just isn't the same to be on the other side of the action. Usually it's me taping their antics and laughing hysterically in the background. They'll be home soon...sooner than when they left anyhow.

On a different note I keep randomly searching for jobs in the DC area since I'm leaning more towards living there. The decision is in Dave's hands, but it can't hurt to get an idea of what kind of jobs are there. I love teaching, but I hate all the "stuff" that goes with the meetings, the politics, and the parents. Plus, I hate having twice as much work to do at home as I do at school. I know a teacher has great working hours, but what about all the stuff required outside the classroom? I keep checking the Library of Congress website to see if they have anything I might enjoy. Occassionally something will catch my eye, but nothing that strikes me as the job for me. I did some random searches in classifieds though and found a job titled English Language Arts Tes Development Assistant and you can read the job description here
It looks like something I would enjoy. It's related to teaching, but not in the classroom with all the extra work. It may turn out to be a glorified gopher position, but it still sounds like fun. I know I'm not even close to being ready to accepting a new job at the moment although this one looks like fun. Guess I'll just have to keep checking to see what I find the closer the time comes to move.

So for now I'm still waiting. Waiting for time to pass, waiting for the holidays to come and go, waiting for my Love to return, and waiting to see where life will take us. In the meantime I'm still enertaining myself with random activities. I had my hair dyed today...I'll post a pic when I get a chance to take a good one. I went to a pumpkin patch with friends, I'm cleaning my house, I'm grading the neverending stack of papers, I'm going to a hockey game, and lots of other things.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Turning Points & Decisions

I've been thinking a lot today about what will be happening in a few months. Dave is reaching the end of his active duty portion of his enlistment. This means we are faced with first the decision to re-enlist or not to re-enlist? Re-enlistment is an almost certainty that he will deploy at least one more time and possibly four more times. We both are not liking the deployment, but we're surviving. I don't think anyone really likes deployment though. I also know that part of my husband deep down truly loves being a Marine. His wife, deep down, enjoys and is proud to be a Marine's husband. However, I was kind of looking forward to a life not governed by the Corps. I would love to have a "normal" life, but I know that there really is no such thing as normal. The husband says he doesn't want to re-enlist, but that doesn't keep me from wondering why he doesn't want to re-enlist. Is it that he really doesn't want to be an active duty Marine any longer...or is it because his wife has been so vocal about dreading the possibilityy of another deployment? So, that's the first question...EAS (expiration of active service for those non-USMC readers) or not to EAS and why.

If the answer to the first question is not to re-enlist then we come to the next question...DC area or AL area? We both love both places, but are struggling to figure out which one would be the best for us. Ok...DC area pros...we have already lived there once and were having a great time there by the time we had to move. We both miss it like crazy and try to visit our friends there as much as we can. My dream job would be to work at the Library of Congress. Why? Deep down I want to be a librarian, I love teaching...but my fascination is really with books and those who are readers of books. If we move to the DC area I could potentially work at the LOC. We also have some connections with possible jobs for my husband. Connections to decent paying jobs at that. The drawbacks to the DC area is that it is so expensive to live there and it is far from his parents/family. We would love to live in the South (especially me who hates the cold winters) and would like to be near family. Another pro would be the probability that we both would be able to go to school there. The husband can get his bachelor's and I can get my master's. Education is a good thing. We also have some friends already there that we would have a ball hanging out with on a regular basis again. (Shout out to the Martins and the Abbotts!)

The pros to AL would be that we would be near his family (although miles from mine...) and his friends from childhood. We would also have some job connections there as well...just not so sure it is the right direction for us right now. I'm worried that we might end up getting in a rut there (if that makes any sense at all). I would love to be a resident of the south still. The warm weather, while stifling at times, is sooooo much better than the bitter cold and icy, snowy, slushy mess of northern winters. I'll take the heat any day, I despise being cold. Dave would be home close to his dad and they could do guy stuff. I know they both would love it. I think education would be harder for Dave in AL. I have no real reasons I can form into words at the moment, just a gut feeling. I think a master's for me would be harder as well there. Possibly not, but I'm just thinking it would be. I think we may put off having children a lot longer if we lived in AL as well (which doesn't make sense either, but eh...).

This is a turning point in our lives and I feel like whatever decision is made will affect us for the rest of our lives. The questions is will it affect us positively or negatively? Anyone who knows me knows I am indecisive to say the least. I can make split second decisions in emergency situations and everyday in class...but where to eat dinner, what car to buy, and what to do at this point in life...I don't like decisions like that. I also recognize that really it is a decision my husband needs to make. It will be him either being a Marine for another 4 years or living wherever. In both AL and DC we will be away from my family, no surprise in Ohio for teachers (or librarians) don't really exist. Although in DC we would probably make some weekend trips if we could afford it. Another crazy thing for this "independent" woman to say is that he's the head of our household, God says so. I know Dave will take my thoughts and feelings into consideration, but I really feel like this is a choice he needs to be the one to make. If he doesn't and I try to make it for us...I feel like it could drive a wedge between us. Maybe not right away, but further on down the line. I suppose only time will tell what lies in store for us and out future...I'm just going to have to leave it in capable male hands for now.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Doledrum Days of Deployment

Random comment: I love allitertion :)

The approach of October made me a very excited girl. Then once the calendar turned, so did my upbeat, this isn't so bad attitude. I've been in a funk this past week. I haven't been able to put my finger on it, but I just feel crumby. I will be perfectly fine all day at school then come home and have a meltdown over something stupid. I've been having a lot of what Oprah calls "ugly cries" too. Had one today in fact when I hung up the phone with Dave. I have no idea why, it was so great to hear his voice today...but hung up and had my meltdown. When Dave first left the meltdowns happenned a lot. Then I reached the point where I was good and those meltdowns didn't happen for a long time. Now, meltdowns attack me when I least expect them. I was driving home from school on Friday and heard the Avril Lavigne song "I Need You." I was fine until halfway through the song as I was turning onto my road I just started bawling. I'm feel like a crazy person, but I've talked to some other friends with deployed spouses and they are having the same thing happenning so it makes me feel ok. Apparently this crazy emotional roller coaster is just par for the course (I hate golf).

On the upside I am LOVING my students this year. Even the most frustrating students really aren't that bad. I look forward to each school day and wonder what new thing I will learn about myself and them. My last class is especially fun because they get to hear a lot of my random stories. We go to lunch about 20 minutes into class and then come back after lunch and finish out the class. (Sucky schedule...someone should realize breaking up instructional time like that is a bad idea...) So anyhow, we end up with only a few minutes before time for lunch when I don't want to start into the next they get a goofy story. They love it, I love it. It's a win-win situation. I will probably be crying a lot on the last day of school because these students are helping me get through some of the toughest days of my life. I've had tough days before, but I feel like part of me is missing right now. I never thought I would say that, but it is how I feel. I do need my husband (I'm the girl who never needs anyone, just ask my mother), but I am finally realizing I really do need him around. I can survive without him, but life just isn't the same with him across the ocean...

My battery is dying on the laptop and I'm too lazy to go get the powercord so I'll end this entry. I need to get to bed anyhow... I'm hoping October will speed by and it will be Thanksgiving before I know it. Once we start getting into the numerous days off from school I'll be ok... Til then I'll just look forward to ending my days with my fourth core kids instead of my husband.