Wednesday, August 29, 2007

1 Month vs. 3 Days

Well the time has passed quicker than I thought it would and we are one month into our deployment. Only 5 more months to go...ugh! Hoping the next 5 pass just as quickly as the first one.

We are 3 days into the new school year. It is night and day compared to last year. These first three days have been like heaven in my classroom. I know that is thanks to a lot of prayers from people in several different states. Last year I had time when I could hardly talk, let alone teach, in my classroom. This year I can talk...and not only talk, but teach. Imagine that, a teacher teaching in her classroom. I am looking forward to the rest of this year quite a lot. I am also thankful that this year seems to be going so much better. I am happy that I am not miserable in my class this would be terrible to be unhappy at work and missing my husband and "family" at home. Dave called around 4pm my time (11pm his) on my first day of school to see how it went. I had such a fabulous day and I said "it was wonderful, I could actually talk in my classroom and they listened. I am so glad you called," and then I started crying. He asked, "are you sure you're ok?" Yeah, I'm fine just so happy to be able to share this wonderful day with you after having so many downright awful days last year. These few days have reaffirmed the fact that I love being in the classroom and this is where I am meant to be for this moment in time.

I have been very worn out after trying to get back into the everyday school routine and have tons to never I am off to do a few more things and then off to dreamland. (Yeah, I tend to like runon sentences just a bit, lol)

Monday, August 20, 2007

Surviving - And I'm Ok With That

The title of this blog is surviving and right now that is good enough for me. I won't say I am happy, because my best friend is miles away across the ocean. However, I am surviving and trying to laugh, have fun, and enjoy time with "the girls". I haven't had much girl time lately and I realized while I was back home how much I truly missed it. I was able to spend lots of quality time with Katie and Maggie and I really enjoyed it. Also, this past Saturday we had a girls supper night that was a lot of fun. I got to talk with some other wives I already knew as well as got to know some of the other wives I didn't know. (Our little wives network had a social for the Key Volunteer wives in our unit.) Then after dinner I went to a gathering a teracher friend of mine had and laughed a lot. Laughter is good. I am a person who smiles a lot, but uses that smile to mask a lot of her woes. I need to work on laughing more and being truly happy, not just putting on my happy face.

There are good days and bad days in life and deployment life is no exception. I had some really hard days when I returned back to NC. In Ohio I was able to pretend that maybe he wasn't really gone and I was surrounded by my family and one of my bestest friends. When I arrived back in NC I had to go directly on base to a mtg. It was soooo hard to go to where the Marine barracks were and see another unit had taken over. All of the Marines I knew there were gone and someone else had come in to replace them. Plus, everywhere you go there are Marines. You can't escape it and it made me really wish that Bivins would come walking through that door and make a mess of my house again.

Today is a much better day though. I talked to him for a few minutes yesterday and bawled just because it was sooo good just to hear his voice. He doesn't feel so far away when we talk on the phone. He also called for a few minutes today when he unexpectedly ended up on land. I was so happy and didn't cry this time. I always feel bad for crying because he doesn't necessarily know why I am crying and I don't want him to worry about me more than necessary. He knows his wife is one tough cookie and has dealt with a lot, but he also knows that doesn't mean she is made of stone either. I love that he just wants to take care of me and I am learning to let him. I am surprised how much I have changed since marrying this wonderful Marine of mine. Previously, having someone to take care of me meant that I couldn't be independent and have a life of my own choosing. I am learning that having someone to take care of me is nice and it doesn't mean I can't do it on my own, just that I am lucky enough to have someone who wants to help me. I also have aquired new vocabulary, new hobbies (like rapelling, and shooting weapons), new friends, new feelings, new traditions, and many other things that have truly enriched my life. I can say I have found what true happiness is and wouldn't trade it for the world. I may be a cactus who is wishing that she had what that high maintenance flower has, but I am suriving until the water returns to my life. (I often talk to Marines about choosing girlfriends and wives...there are two types of girls: cacti and high maintenance flowers. Cacti are able to survive with a good watering now and then and be ok. High mainenance flowers require only certain amounts of sunlight, certain amounts of water, special soil, etc. Marines should marry cacti if they want their marraige to last if they are going to be a lifer.)

I will say that I think the physical distance between Bivins and I is stregthening our relationship if you can believe it. I have been reminiscing about the days when we lived 6 hrs away, me in Ohio and Bivins in DC. We really kept the relationship going with phone calls, letters, e-mails, and those monthly visits. Those letters and phone calls are what really helped me learn who my husband to be was and in return help him understand me. You have to rely on communication in a long distance relationship. I am continuing some old traditions we started in those "early days" (yeah only 3 years ago...) that were kind of pushed along the side of the road once we started living together. I am hanging on his every word when he calls and pestering him with questions. I am also writing to him nearly every day of what I am thinking, feeling, and doing. I can't just sit next to him on the couch in silence as we watch whatever movie we selected during dinner. This deployment has pushed the conversation back to the forefront of our marraige and I hope to remember when he returns to schedule some time just to talk and not get caught up in the daily grind as much as I did when he was home.

I have probably written enough at this point and need to get to work on some things for school. I have so much to do and such little time to do it.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Deployment Stinks-Part 2

Ok, so before I left to go visit grandparents my day started out not so great. I went to empty the litter box and of course this is the only time the boys come running to use it. Well I had taken the bag out and Zeus had no idea where to go potty so he went in the other litter box we travel with, which had a bag of litter in it but it was tied up. He peed all over the bag, ugh crazy Zeus. (We got a litter box with a lid to leave at "grandma's house") Then I get to the post office to mail Dave two care packages...I am at the counter when my phone rings. I hit the button to silence it and then answer it since it is Dave, but it sent it to voicemail right away. (I was ready to have a meltdown right then and there.) The good news is I managed to fill out the customs form properly, it only took forever to do it the night before. Then I get to my Grandma Snyder's and find out she has family coming over right after dinner and I'm supposed to go eat dinner at Nana's house. So I drove ate dinner, drove back to Grandma S's, then back to Nana's to sleep.

Today was much better. I had my phone in the one spot between the kitchen and dining room that had good service. Right after we were done with lunch and before we went out to the pool my phone rang and it was Dave. I had to talk to him hunched over so I didn't lose service, but I was so excited to talk. I attacked him with questions and asked if he needed anything. Then I asked how my other boys were doing. He said everyone seems to be good. They were out of the storms so he wasn't trying to hold onto his lunch anymore. I told him to gather all my boys and get a group hug that would be from me. I told him I missed them all, but him most of all of course. Told him to start taking pics and film so I can feel like I am with them. (Maybe I should join the Marines so I can go with "my boys". Yeah right, I wouldn't last one hour before I would be mad and injured.) So tomorrow I will probably go buy deoderant that he requested and get it mailed out asap so he gets it asap. I know he has enough right now, but will probably need it by the end of the month. (Ewww, stinky Marine with no deoderant...that would be really gross.) So I am surviving for now and as far as I am concerned that is good enough. Dave and I started this tradition when we were dating while he was in DC of ending our phone coversationg of where we were supposed to meet that night in our dreams. I started it back up now with each of our calls asking where we are going to meet...tonight it will be Gulf Shores, AL where we went on our honeymoon and predeployment leave. I'm excited. I never really end up having dreams I remember, but it is still a fun thing to do. I'm a hopeless romantic what can I say. Plus, it keeps me from tearing up at the end of his calls to think of something happy like meeting him in my dreams for a date. I'm tired from all this visiting so I think I'm going to go paint my nails and go to bed.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Deployment Stinks

Ok, I know I promised other stories, but I just can't think of them at the moment. All I am thinking about is this deployment and how much it stinks and I just want it to be over. Dave hadn't even started his deployment and he had injured himself. We had two other guys over last Friday and I made lasagna. Well I had been kind of absent minded (I wonder why) and I left one of the burners on. My husband has a bad habit of leaning against the stove and decided to touch the burner. He ended up burning the tips of three fingers on his right hand. They weren't as bad as I thought, but still he had limited use of his hand when he left. (I felt guilty, but insist it is his own fault for touching burners. Home Ec 101-never touch the burner!)

The day before and the day he left I was an absolute crying mess. I would cry at the drop of a hat. Not just tearing up, but sobs and all. I'm doing much better by now. Haven't sobbed since Tuesday night. I am visiting my mom and sisters in Ohio though and they have been keeping me very busy. Not much time to miss him too much. Although, I inevitably feel that he is gone and my heart aches. It seems like such a long time 'til he will return (beginning of next year is what we've heard so far...). I am hoping once school starts that time flies. I really need for the months to pass quickly and his return to be only weeks away. I am occupying my time with ideas for packages and letters to him. I'm also already thinking about what kind of homecoming party I want to plan. If I focus on the happy things it leaves less time to be sad and miss him. I have pics of the big d-day (deployment day), but at the moment have no way to upload them in Ohio. I think my battery charger/adapter cord deployed in Dave's laptop bag and I need to see if I can get another one. Plus, the pc's at home don't have an XD slot. I need to take it to Wal-Mart and get them onto a cd. Once I do you can be sure I will upload them. I'm trying to stay positive and keep the worst fears at bay, but it is hard at times not to worry. Please keep the guys of 22nd MEU and all of our military in your prayers. I don't see an end to this war anytime soon, but it doesn't stop me from praying for one.

I suppose since it is past midnight I should go to bed, but I just don't feel tired at the moment. I was visiting a friend today and didn't have service on my cell at her house (I sometimes forget places w/no service exist) and I missed his first call home. He left a message and he sounded good. Of course he said he loves me and misses me. For now, that comforts me and I'm content as can be expected. I'm sure you will be updated frequently throughout this process...I'm going to go snuggle with my furbabies and relax.