Choices, Coming Home, & Family

There are several things that have happened since my last post. I hadn't realized that I haven't written since November. The month of December flew by so fast. I'm thankful for that, but it made me a very tired Wizzel.

The first thing on my mind is how much Jacksonville, NC has been in the news as well as the Marine Corps in relation to the murder of a female marine. If you don't know about it, turn on CNN or google it. I guarantee you will find much more information than you really ever thought you needed to know. I won't give much of an opinion on this case other than the fact that there is still so much we just don't know/aren't being told at this time. I agree with Onslow County Sheriff who stated that the ending to this story would be bizarre. Personally, I think the wife of the accused knows a lot more than she is telling and was pretty involved in this somehow. Some say the Marine Corps was in the wrong in their actions and I won't agree or disagree on that. The Marine Corps has a way of releasing information on a need to know basis. Those who need to know do and those (the general public) who don't need to know everything right now don't. I respect and admire Marines for just simply doing there job, because as a wife of a Marine I know some of what it really takes for a Marine to do their job. I also will say that everything both good and bad that I have ever heard said about Marines is true. It's not all true for every Marine, but there is a Marine that falls into each category. It doesn't change my respect for them, or the love I have to those Marines that I hold very dear in my heart.

In relation to this newsworthy turn of events I have heard rumors that the Westboro Baptist Church will be coming to hold a protest here in Jacksonville to show us just how "godless and lawless" Marines and those who love them really are. If you don't know who the WBC is they are the rather small group of radicals that go around protesting fallen warriors funerals, anything homosexual, and pretty much anything else they deem "godless". (I'm purposefully using a lowercase G for godless because the God I know doesn't discriminate amongst his people.) If you would like to view further info their website is www.godhatesfags.com I'm left feeling a mixture of emotions at this turn of events. I know I'm supposed to love my neighbor, but I'm finding it very hard to even think about being remotely respectful to these people if they choose to come to this city. They are more than unwelcome in this town, at least from the consensus I've heard. My first reaction was to be part of a planned counter protest...and then I thought about it a minute longer. I think it would be wise for me to stay far, far away from these people. I'm never sure what radicals will do and I know any Marine or Marine supporter that comes into contact with these people will have a lot to say to them. I'm afraid that if there is a confrontation it will only add to the WBC publicity and the fact that we are supposedly godless. The Marine Corps has passed along a letter stating that Marines should avoid these people and recommending that the wives stay away as well. There has been some uproar with some wives about the Marine Corps not having a right to recommend this because their husband signed the contract, not them. While I as a wife did not sign a contract with the Marine Corps, I did sign a marraige license with a man who has. As a wife it is my job to support him in what he does and respect his career choices. If that means staying away from a protest, even if I really had wanted to go, I would in order for him to be free from reprimand. I am subject to altered "rules" as a result of my marraige to him. It isn't so very different from a civilian standpoint. My husband is subjected to different rules as a result of marrying a teacher. As a teacher I am placed in the spotlight as a role model to students. While that image has evolved greatly the last few years there are still many things I choose not to do and ask that my husband not do in order to be that role model for my students. I don't want to be a teacher of questionable character. I dont' want to be the wife of a Marine with questionable loyalty either. I'm hoping that our wintry weather forecast will keep these radicals at bay this weekend and by next weekend they will have moved on to some other issue.

The next thing I have been planning and preparing for is my husband's homecoming. He should be home by Super Bowl Sunday. I have been working on homecoming banners, cleaning the house, shopping for groceries to make his favorite foods, and many other things. I can't believe the end of this deployment is so close. There were times when I never felt like it would ever end and other times that I have felt like time has flown by. I've managed to keep busy with the help of the other wives, some very special friends, and my students. The months and weeks of counting are almost done and he will be back home with me where he belongs. We end our phone calls with the question "where are we going?" (for our date in our dreams) and I said this last time "home" and he asked "where is home...DC...AL...NC...?" and I replied that "home is with me, I'm in NC so you're coming here." It made me start thinking back to when I realized that home was really a feeling and people, not a place or a building. I discovered that shortly after my parents divorce. I had lived in one house for the majority of my life (it was the only house I remembered) and the time came to move out of it after the divorce. I was heartbroken. It was my "safe place" to at least feel ok when the rest of my world as I knew it was falling down around my ears. It took awhile, but I eventually came to realize that as long as I had the people I loved around me then I was always "home." When I moved in with Dave in DC I was home. Even though I was so far from the rest of my family and friends, home was with him. It's probably the one reason I have been able to survive moving so many times already in life. I've lived in countless places at this point and it takes me a minute to think up my address and home phone number. In my defense I've had a new address almost every year for the past 5 years. Between moving from northern Ohio to southern Ohio, moving around the OU campus, and then moving to DC (for a whole 9 months) and then to NC my brain is now having trouble remembering what the current one is sometimes. Anyhow, I digress, the point is Dave will be home soon and I can hardly wait. I've been waiting for a very long time now for a healing hug from him and boy do I need one right about now...

The last part of the title is family and mine is making me crazy towards the end of this dpeloyment. The deployment started with Dave's shoulder issue and he may need surgery upon his return to dry land. Probably should have had it instead of deploy, but he didn't and the deployment is almost over now anyhow. Then fast forward several months to my Pap. He had a heart catheterization on my birthday where they put in five stints. A week later he decides they are going to Florida for their annual 3 month stay and starts driving. He gets to SC and has chest pains, they end up doing another surgery, and he is ok at this point. I think this has caused the most stress because my Pap is the rock in our family. He is a man of few words, but the ones he does say are wise and well chosen. He is a man I respect. And after talking with my sister I realized that the two of us do not use our father, like most women, as the "perfect man" that any future mate is measured...we compare them to Pap instead. When my dad called to wish me Happy Birthday I barely let him get the phrase out before I asked if he had heard anything about Pap's first surgery. My other grandfather has been through a few heart surgeries several years ago, but for some reason Pap needing surgery was more worrisome to me. I guess it is because I feel like my Pap should be invicible. I know he really isn't, but I'm just not ready to think about him not being around. Then my mother in law had some scary health issues crop up the week after Pap's first heart surgery. Scary enough to throw our future plans in a tail spin. The health issues have since then been lessened and we're waiting on one more round of test results before we can breath a sigh of relief. Pap and my mother in law combined led to a stress meltdown for me. I was so stressed after talking to my husband that I couldn't sit still and I was shaking. I haven't been that stressed in a very long time. I can't even remember the last time I was in such a state. That's about the time I decided to purchase the elliptical machine from one of my teacher friends. Tonight is the first night since purchasing it that I haven't been "running" on it. I was just too cold and tired after this week to get on the darn hamster wheel. I'll be back on it tomorrow though.

So, that is only a portion of what has been going on lately. I'll be cleaning house tomorrow and staring at the calendar wishing I could fast forward the days just a bit. I need that hug and the comfort in knowing he's home. It won't be long now though...