Doledrum Days of Deployment

Random comment: I love allitertion :)

The approach of October made me a very excited girl. Then once the calendar turned, so did my upbeat, this isn't so bad attitude. I've been in a funk this past week. I haven't been able to put my finger on it, but I just feel crumby. I will be perfectly fine all day at school then come home and have a meltdown over something stupid. I've been having a lot of what Oprah calls "ugly cries" too. Had one today in fact when I hung up the phone with Dave. I have no idea why, it was so great to hear his voice today...but hung up and had my meltdown. When Dave first left the meltdowns happenned a lot. Then I reached the point where I was good and those meltdowns didn't happen for a long time. Now, meltdowns attack me when I least expect them. I was driving home from school on Friday and heard the Avril Lavigne song "I Need You." I was fine until halfway through the song as I was turning onto my road I just started bawling. I'm feel like a crazy person, but I've talked to some other friends with deployed spouses and they are having the same thing happenning so it makes me feel ok. Apparently this crazy emotional roller coaster is just par for the course (I hate golf).

On the upside I am LOVING my students this year. Even the most frustrating students really aren't that bad. I look forward to each school day and wonder what new thing I will learn about myself and them. My last class is especially fun because they get to hear a lot of my random stories. We go to lunch about 20 minutes into class and then come back after lunch and finish out the class. (Sucky schedule...someone should realize breaking up instructional time like that is a bad idea...) So anyhow, we end up with only a few minutes before time for lunch when I don't want to start into the next thing...so they get a goofy story. They love it, I love it. It's a win-win situation. I will probably be crying a lot on the last day of school because these students are helping me get through some of the toughest days of my life. I've had tough days before, but I feel like part of me is missing right now. I never thought I would say that, but it is how I feel. I do need my husband (I'm the girl who never needs anyone, just ask my mother), but I am finally realizing I really do need him around. I can survive without him, but life just isn't the same with him across the ocean...

My battery is dying on the laptop and I'm too lazy to go get the powercord so I'll end this entry. I need to get to bed anyhow... I'm hoping October will speed by and it will be Thanksgiving before I know it. Once we start getting into the numerous days off from school I'll be ok... Til then I'll just look forward to ending my days with my fourth core kids instead of my husband.